Alphabetical list of reasons why I am a total spaz:

1. A cute guy smiled at me in the crappy office cafeteria. ::Snap:: went the plastic spoon and ::whumpf:: went the chicken manchurian and hakka noodles all over my new white shirt. The front of which is now neon orange.
2. Boobs…or rather, my inability to keep them in place (although, thankfully, they are always covered. Pam Anderson I am not). Jogging bras don't help when I'm exercising, and I've given myself AND the 18-year-old on the treadmill next to me a black eye on more than one occasion.
3. Coke…cola that is, and my…shall we say…affinity for it? Affection? My friends would say it was more of an obsession. But I'm getting better! I only drink 2 cans a day now (5 on weekends), and my memorabilia is down to 1 Coke-can replica glass pencil holder, a t-shirt, and a porcelain thimble with the Coke logo. I'm practically normal!
4. Dopey eyes that have caused more than one boss to look at me suspiciously and say "We conduct random drug tests here, you know…"
5. Epiphanies in the middle of poker sessions. When I'm not even drunk. So I will then expostulate about random insanity when, y'know, all anyone wants is for me to shut up and put in my 2 rials.
6. Food…any and all food…but especially Bombay food in Bombay restaurants surrounded by Bombay people…
7. Girls…well, the lack thereof in my life at the moment. Not that I swing that way (most of the time). But female company would be nice. A girl can only take so much of being around a bunch of guys with their …hysterically rude jokes…lack of bitchiness…amazingly yummy cologne…maybe I'll retract my complaint…
8. Hee-haw…my friends' description of the way I laugh. Which, I suppose, is better than being told to go swing from a tree with the other howling monkeys (by the guy I'm crushing on, no less)
9. Idiocy…especially when it comes to men. But I've learnt my lesson…never date anyone who is a combination of the following: shorter than me, thinner than me, with a bigger ego than me (well, bigger than the 7 continents combined).
10. Juvenile pursuits. But I can't help it if I'm a 26-year-old who still occassionally likes to re-read her Sweet Valleys (and Archies) and watch Jonny Quest (and Tom & Jerry) and eat orange ice-lollies (which are sooo passe, Galaxy Chocobar premiums are THE sophisticated ice-cream to suck on, dontcha know dahling?)
11. Klutziness….refer to points no. 1 and 15
12. Lameness in general, which would be why I am making this list…
13. Men and my complete inability to understand them, even when ALL the close friends I've ever had have been guys. But no, they'll do something asinine, as they are wont to do, and everytime it'll shock me!
14. Name…my name, I mean. It miiiight have been the height of cool when I was named more than a quarter of a century ago (although I doubt it) but now you throw a rock and you'll hit 20 chicks with my name. Don't even get me started on my nicknames. They bring to mind a fat boy, an African warrior tribe, a Baywatch alumnus and a teddy bear. What any of them have to do with each other, I'll never know.
15. Over-the-top hand gestures when I speak. You'd think it would be impossible to be narrating a story and knock over an entire refridgerator. You'd be wrong.
16. Poker…and my utter inability to play it safe. So in the past couple of weeks I've won big. But will I take my money and spend it on shoes like a sensible woman? Of course not. Sensible? What a strange word in an alien language…
17. Queens…drag queens to be more specific. Anybody else but me out there who finds them strangely…interesting? Not like that, but just…I wonder what they look like in the morning, and are they happier not being actual women, thereby missing out on PMS and horrific cramps?
18. Ringtones…I HATE cellphone ringtones…those things should be banned! They're SO annoying (yes, even the one that plays "Sweet Child O' Mine"). What, I ask you, is wrong with putting it on vibrate mode??
19. Spike. The love of my life. You know, bleached-blonde-six-pack-sporting-"bloody hell"-saying-leather-wearing vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I heart him.
20. Telling myself that I CAN lose 5 kgs. When, on a zillion-calorie-a-day diet, it clearly ain't gonna happen.
21. Understanding the basic mechanics of anything to do with technology. Yeah, I don't possess that.
22. Vampires. Love 'em. Not that I'm a wanna-be-Goth-with-far-too-much-eyeliner or anything that random, but if it's got anything to do with Buffy, or Angel, or Anne Rice, or Laurell Hamilton, or MaryJanice Davidson, or Charlaine Harris, or God help me, even Stephenie Meyer...I've been there done that and bought the t-shirt :)
23. Wanting to be a librarian…but liking money and expensive shoes faaar too much to actually go ahead with it.
24. X…man, this is a tough one. X-treme fear that all my lovely guy friends will end up with horrible girlfriends and wives who will make it their life's ambition to keep me away from my friends (as I already see happening with some of the married ones)? No? Too paranoid? Damn, I shoulda put that under 'P'.
25. Yennada? Yepdi irka ma? Spell 'moon' with a yem-yo-yet-another-yo-and-a-yem-after that. I may be half-South-Indian, but man it's SUCH fun to rip apart a southie accent!
26. Z..z…z…uh, I dunno….'zaps' is 'spaz' backwards. That should tell you loads about my state of mind!