My Wishes For NV....

....the week before her wedding.

As fiercely as I cling on to my old friends, I’ve come to learn that it’s possible to love the new ones just as much, and want the very best for them always: whether or not you know all their history, their journey, their mistakes and their triumphs.

I can’t lay much of a claim to knowing what true romantic love is all about, and descriptions and best wishes and sweeping hand gestures (that ALWAYS knock over a few wine glasses) don’t seem to do the emotion justice. And marriage – well, never had a clue, doubt I ever will, so how can I know what wishes I’m bestowing on this friend of mine? However, Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet XVII has always seemed to be the best way to put a voice to my ineloquence. From the moment I first read it, I thought “That’s what I want someday,” even if the thoughts were half-formed and shooed away as wistful and longing. But, for the people who have found that love….

So, for you, NV:

“I do not love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
Or arrow of carnations that propagate fire;
I love you as certain dark things are loved:
Secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
Hidden within itself the light from those flowers;
And, thanks to your love, darkly
In my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where;
I love you simply: without problems or pride.
I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving

But this: in which there is no I or you.
So close that your hand upon my chest is my hand;
So close, that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.”

I hope your love, your wedding, your marriage, and the life after is all of this, and so much more. All the very very best to you and AM :)

"Days Go By...

...And still I think of you." Okay, that's how the 'Dirty Vegas' song goes, at any rate...not entirely apropos of my thoughts right now, but I find I always have to complete the lyric. And now the song's going to be stuck in my head for the next 3 days. At least it's not Britney Spears. Argh.

I can't believe it's 2010. Over a decade of the new millennium is gone. And I'm OLD. When did this happen?? I get tired by 1 a.m., I can't drink as much as I used to (well, I only really started drinking a couple of years ago, but nevermind), I can't dance for four hours straight in four-inch stilettoes, I get exhausted after an hour-long session at the gym (but at least I'm going!) and want to do nothing but curl up in bed for the rest of the evening, and my memory is most definitely going. Plus, horror of horrors, I've become one of those crabby OLD people who keep complaining, as evinced by this entire paragraph.

Right, no more. I'm counting my blessings as of now, which, when you think about it, is also something that OLD people do...but the nice ones, so that's alright :)

- My health, which is thankfully back on track after what seems like forever. I'm still susceptible to every bug out there, and my constantly runny nose makes the Niagara Falls seem like a pesky leaky faucet, but hey, no hospitals!

- My family, who are kick-ass and quirky and fun and supportive and everything, literally everything, to me. Especially my mom, who hasn't murdered me yet.

- My B'bay friends, who like me despite the 15 extra kilos, and seem to be handling growing old a lot better than I am! Maybe because they're all guys and don't obsess about crow's feet and laugh lines as much. Or maybe they hide it really well...

- My friends in this part of the world, who are the most entertaining people I've had the fortune to meet (although some of them are definitely the most annoying, obnoxious, irritating brats I've had the misfortune to meet...well, really only D). And NV and RV, whom I meet once or twice a year, but who make me believe that there really are sensible, fun, intelligent women out there who know their own minds and aren't just...sheep. And P and T, who make me feel like I would've liked a couple of little sisters. And K, who was by far the most sane person around for the last few weeks...despite his sheesha obsession.

- My local friends, who are loud and fun and sweet beyond belief...how amazing are you guys, Queen and Standy? Give yourselves a hand!

- My sanity, which is sometimes questionable, often shaky, but always present. At least in comparison to a lot of people I've met recently.

- My life, which, when reading over the last few points, really IS something to be grateful for.

Hence, no more complaining.

For now :)

Cupid's Helpers

So I was sitting around with D, A and Abby at A's place last night, catching up after A's fortnight-long vacay in the UK. As was usual, the subject turned to R and me, and why it is we've been "dancing around each other for the past 2 years without doing anything. It's frustrating!" Direct quote there. Now, A and Abby have girlfriends, and were offering long-winded, experience-backed reasoning of why it is that at the age of 26, I should be in a relationship, or at least "enjoy being young and fool around a bit!" D was more succinct: "Just get on with it already, Zulu!"

Against my better judgement, I decided to indulge them and went about collecting pearls of wisdom on how and why they thought R and I should get together. And all I have to say is "Oy vey!"

- According to D: "Well, it's pretty obvious you belong together..I mean, he discusses poetry and shit with you! I never discussed poetry with anyone except my English teacher…although, okay, I didn’t want to date him…hmm…nevermind."

- A and Abby: "Neither you nor R are the type to have flings, and you guys, you know, gel…I mean, he's a liiiittle less dark and broody with you…so why not?" Can't argue with logic like that!

- All of them: "What's the harm in trying? It doesn't work out, c'est la vie…nothing ventured, nothing gained…carpe bloody diem, sieze the day (or something else)…jump on him already," and other assorted cliches, delivered in true, inimitable boy-style.

Now, how to go about it:

- D and A: "R's a little reserved, no? So you have to send out hints, but be subtle."

- Abby: "Flash a little cleavage!"

- D and A: "No! No bazookas. You'll scare him off!" Bazookas. Hah. I haven't heard that since I was in 10th grade.

- Me (playing devil's advocate and inadvertently screwing myself): "But R likes…you know…voluptuous women."

- All of them: "Oh, okay, then you fit the profile." Boys! Bah. "Anyway, nevermind all that. You have to be a bit more out there. Flirt a bit. Laugh at what he says. Sort of casually rest your hand on his arm." I wonder what chick flicks they've been watching. "Call him and tell him you're in the mood to go out for drinks, just the two of you. Badmouth the rest of us if you have to, but make sure it's just the two of you!"

- Me: "Uhhh..how?"

- Them: "SUBTLY!" That didn't really help.

This went on for a couple more hours, with positive re-inforcement via long-distance phone call from A's utterly sweet girlfriend as well. And several more tips along the lines of "Bat your eyelashes…but try not to look retarded" and "Laugh more…but can you do something about those teeth??" until eventually it was decided that if I didn't comply with their wishes, I would (sometime in the near future) find R and myself locked in a convenient room in V's place after being sneakily presented with Viagra-laced drinks.

But, they sweetly stressed, that was a last resort.

I love my friends, but they scare the bejeezus out of me.

In The Past 24 Hours, I Have...

....Fought with my Risk Manager;

....Skipped the gym (but I went the day before!);

....Eaten the best pizza EVER, loaded with extra cheese and eggplant and zucchini and roasted chicken and sundried tomatoes, sprinkled with chilli flakes and chilli oil, each mouthful the PERFECT bite...mmmm;

....Witnessed an Indian boy at Karaoke Night, thinking he was black and rapping like Pee Wee Herman just learned to talk street. No...just...NO;

....Lost my temper;

....Been confused;

....Been comforted;

....Had the most inane, insane, evil, chaotic, flat-out-crazy-fun conversations imaginable;

....Received impromptu sex-ed lectures from at least 4 different friends (for no reason whatsoever);

....Hung out with NV and RV, whom I will miss HORRIBLY while they are away;

....Crept into not one, but two shady, seedy, utterly disreputable dance-bar type places and been both scandalized and saddened at human nature;

....Realized that I'm most definitely not cut out for that much-talked-about planned visit to a Vegas strip club;

....Stumbled into bed and stumbled out again after what felt like only 10 seconds but was actually 4 hours (I think I might be getting old. 4 hours of sleep used to tide me over for a WEEK when I was in college);

....Been an unreasonable grouch all day because the restaurant screwed up my order for 6 Cokes by bringing me..erm..NOTHING, so I've had NO sugar and NO caffeine and NO sweet Coke-y goodness and I swear I'm dying....

....Goofed off at work by writing this blog;

....Fought with my Risk Manager.

Don't you love it when life comes full circle?

Things I Realized In The Past Week

So the last week has been an eye-opener for me. The earth-shattering (okay, I'm prone to exaggeration) revelations just kept coming:

- I went to the gym precisely once during the week. Now, I never worked out when I was younger; didn't start, in fact, till about 2 months ago when A and V practically dragged me kicking and screaming to a circuit training session (and the fact that I had put on 12 kgs had very little to do with it). And now, shock-horror-dismay - I actually like it. And feel guilty when I don't go. I've turned into one of those people. The next thing you know, I'm going to start obsessively worrying after my 4th can of Coke. And laying off the Lindt Hazelnut. Bah.

- I attended a friend's birthday celebration. Queen's cousins and friends planned a surprise gathering at her place; and man was it loud, fun and crazy. I've never hung out with the women of this country very much, but I have got to do it more often... can't think of the last time I had that much fun. Oh yeah, the revelation: nothing really new, but - I miss female company. Good female company, of the non-bitchy-non-whiny-non-complicated variety.

- I met the coolest woman ever. Hello, Standy!

- I suck at beer pong. Like, pathetic does not even begin to cover it.

- I have led a very sheltered life. Okay, not really a revelation there, I kinda knew this. But I was at A's place on Friday and we were winding down post-poker with drinks (and the yummiest, cheesiest, most satisfying food at 3 in the morning - Doon School Maggi noodles...mmm). Listening to A, V and D discuss various drink-and-hormone-fueled escapades made me realize 2 things: I canNOT down vodka and wake up hangover-free; and I have not yet begun to live. Cheers guys, here's to getting out a bit more and being able to contribute to the crazy stories.

- I miss my previous colleagues way more than I thought possible. Dropped in at the old office to wish Queen and met a few of the old work buddies and the old boss for a bit. Felt all warm and fuzzy, in a way I just don't at the new place. Then bumped into S.B. from the old office at Rock Bottom on Thursday night and shared a laugh over Kamikazes. Yeah, there's no one to do that with here.

- I actually miss R, who's away for a while. Was semi-lucidly expostulating to A on Friday that there actually is a biiiig difference between a potential love interest and a best friend (in my books, anyway). R is very firmly in the latter, but that doesn't stop me from missing nice long chats about the Watchmen and Alan Moore and Arthur C. Clarke (and he puts up with my vampire fixation too!)

Let's see what this week brings. With V in town for a fortnight, and NV and RV here for a while, it's bound to involve copious amounts of alcohol, at the very least. Better hit the gym again...

...My morning Coke can looks like it's frowning disapprovingly at me. Sigh.