The Bloody Life Lessons Just Keep Coming

What I learnt from this weekend's debauchery:

1. Substitute beer pong for vodka-and-mango-juice pong, and I'm not half bad!

2. Never dance with D when he's had too much to drink...he'll try to kiss anything: me, a grandmother, a man in a dress...as long as it's vaguely female-shaped, it'll do. Blearghhh.

3. Boys are idiots (this is, of course, in direct correlation to Point 2).

4. Tattooed men are yummy (well, I always knew this. But this one I met reminded me of the fact. Kinda Dave Navarro-ish, but less grrr).

5. Apparently, pour enough alcohol in me, and I am capable of doing something I don't normally do...like giving a guy my number when he asks for it. I never do that...bah. No, really, in my world, that's a bad.

6. No amount of alcohol can get me to overcome my inherent and intrinsic grandmotherly traits. So, while I am sloshed, I will be looking after the equally (if not more) sozzled boys: making sure they don't get involved in brawls with white chicks, short guys and bouncers; listening to romantic woes and dispensing advice; pulling up guys' pants when too much underwear (and a bit of butt) is flashing; playing wingman (wing woman? wing person?) when one of the guys finds a hot chick, and in general just being as close to 65 as I can get. Bah again.

7. I am shockingly ignorant when it comes to slang words for male/female genitalia. And also that I'm the only one my age who uses the word 'genitalia'.

8. Jägerbombs basically ensure that I get no sleep for 36 hours.

9. I'm making up for my teetotaling college years by ruining my liver now. Well, no more...detox detox DETOX.

10. And, as you can tell by the last couple of posts, I pretty much swear by Wikipedia.

Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned...

....Obviously, by the way my weekends are going, it's not too far a logical leap to say I'm turning into an alcoholic and a compulsive gambler. But, can I just say that kamikazes are the yummiest, most diabolocial things ever invented? Taste like lemonade, but 7 or 8 of them and I'm rendered insensible for the rest of the night...fun! As for the poker...I think I may want to take up permanent residence at A's dining table...won 41 rials (a little over Rs. 5000) and won a hand with 4 Aces...oy, what a rush! Pity the other guy, though, he lost on a full house with Aces and Jacks.

....Got a facebook message from I.P. asking me what's been up, seeing as how he hasn't heard from me in ages. Is it ridiculous to feel a little guilty? I've always been manic about keeping in touch with my B'bay friends, and I just counted back and realized I haven't spoken to him for over 2 months...that's not long in the normal world...but in the cozy, crazy little world I inhabit in B'bay, it's an eternity. Right, making phonecall pronto.

....Crap, just realized I haven't spoken to N.M. in ages either. Crap, crap, crap...feel guilt trip coming on, considering I've been either playing poker, table tennis or just been, you know, flat-out-incoherently-sloshed the last few times he's called.

....Despite the best of intentions, went to the gym only twice in the past week...but it wasn't my fault! The trainer sent out an SMS saying he was sick!! Nevermind that I saw him at a movie on Tuesday night and at the same party I was at on Thursday....

....Will probably end up going only twice this week too, since Mother Nature has seen fit to curse me and actually have my period show up on time for a change. This makes it 2 consecutive months...I don't think that's EVER happened to me. See, this is why my uterus is christened Dorothy....somewhere over the rainbow, indeed.

....I've had Kelly Osbourne's version of "Papa Don't Preach" stuck in my head since morning, and I'm driving my colleagues MAD by belting it out in my can't-carry-a-tune-in-a-bucket voice. God, that's FUN!