I Wish...

... I could write like this...but I think that prodigious talent and honour lies only with Maya Angelou.

One of my favourite poems by her: In And Out Of Time. Enjoy.

The sun has come,
The mist has gone:
We see in the distance...our long way home.
I was always yours to have,
You were always mine...
We have loved each other in and out of time.

When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor...
I had always loved you more.

You freed your braids...gave your hair to the breeze;
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.

You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance;
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...

The sun has come,
The mist has gone:
We see in the distance... our long way home.
I was always yours to have,
You were always mine...
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

Sigh. I want.

Cupid's Helpers

So I was sitting around with D, A and Abby at A's place last night, catching up after A's fortnight-long vacay in the UK. As was usual, the subject turned to R and me, and why it is we've been "dancing around each other for the past 2 years without doing anything. It's frustrating!" Direct quote there. Now, A and Abby have girlfriends, and were offering long-winded, experience-backed reasoning of why it is that at the age of 26, I should be in a relationship, or at least "enjoy being young and fool around a bit!" D was more succinct: "Just get on with it already, Zulu!"

Against my better judgement, I decided to indulge them and went about collecting pearls of wisdom on how and why they thought R and I should get together. And all I have to say is "Oy vey!"

- According to D: "Well, it's pretty obvious you belong together..I mean, he discusses poetry and shit with you! I never discussed poetry with anyone except my English teacher…although, okay, I didn’t want to date him…hmm…nevermind."

- A and Abby: "Neither you nor R are the type to have flings, and you guys, you know, gel…I mean, he's a liiiittle less dark and broody with you…so why not?" Can't argue with logic like that!

- All of them: "What's the harm in trying? It doesn't work out, c'est la vie…nothing ventured, nothing gained…carpe bloody diem, sieze the day (or something else)…jump on him already," and other assorted cliches, delivered in true, inimitable boy-style.

Now, how to go about it:

- D and A: "R's a little reserved, no? So you have to send out hints, but be subtle."

- Abby: "Flash a little cleavage!"

- D and A: "No! No bazookas. You'll scare him off!" Bazookas. Hah. I haven't heard that since I was in 10th grade.

- Me (playing devil's advocate and inadvertently screwing myself): "But R likes…you know…voluptuous women."

- All of them: "Oh, okay, then you fit the profile." Boys! Bah. "Anyway, nevermind all that. You have to be a bit more out there. Flirt a bit. Laugh at what he says. Sort of casually rest your hand on his arm." I wonder what chick flicks they've been watching. "Call him and tell him you're in the mood to go out for drinks, just the two of you. Badmouth the rest of us if you have to, but make sure it's just the two of you!"

- Me: "Uhhh..how?"

- Them: "SUBTLY!" That didn't really help.

This went on for a couple more hours, with positive re-inforcement via long-distance phone call from A's utterly sweet girlfriend as well. And several more tips along the lines of "Bat your eyelashes…but try not to look retarded" and "Laugh more…but can you do something about those teeth??" until eventually it was decided that if I didn't comply with their wishes, I would (sometime in the near future) find R and myself locked in a convenient room in V's place after being sneakily presented with Viagra-laced drinks.

But, they sweetly stressed, that was a last resort.

I love my friends, but they scare the bejeezus out of me.

Because I'm Bored...

…and trying to avoid the most yawnariffic work in existence (i.e. cleaning up the negligent messes of past RMs and actually creating records of old customers), I'm going to put together a short catalogue of song lyrics that I love.

Why? As they say in South Indian parlance: "Simbly." (R, that's for you. Be good and I might spell 'Mississippi' next).

1. "And it's been a while since I could look at myself straight,
And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry.
And it's been a while since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been a while…but I can still remember just the way you taste…"

No prizes for guessing: "It's Been A While" by Staind. I love that this is one of the most evocative songs I've heard - deals out a good dose of profanity and still conveys a lot of the helplessness and frustration of love.

2. "On the streets where you live, girls talk about their social lives -
They're made of lipstick, plastic and paint;
A touch of sable in their eyes."

I don't actually know why I like the opening lines to Bon Jovi's "Runaway". I think as a kid, the words made me think of Barbie (who used to freak me out), but even though the words are supposed to be more bleak, I always ended up picturing a gaggle of happy, giggling girls. Bah, brain.

3. "The dawn is breaking;
A light shining through…
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you."

Come on, how can anyone not love Howie Day's "Collide"? I think there's something in me that responds to lyrics that refer to the simple sensuality in relationships, anything mentioning touch, smell, taste…or, you know, could be I'm a total sap (but ssshhh, that's supposed to be a secret!). And seriously, the part where he sings "I somehow find you and I collide"….sigh.

4. "She is everything and more:
The solemn hypnotic.
My Dahlia, bathed in possession
She is home to me."

What is it about rock/metal bands that are capable of penning the most vivid love songs? Slipknot's "Vermilion" is, in R's opinion, one of the most perfect break-up songs (no doubt due to the plaintive refrain "I won't let this build up inside of me"), but I think it's the perfect I-love-her-with-such-intensity-I've-been-locked-up-a-rubber-room-with-a-straitjacket song.

5. "The miles just keep rolling as the people leave their way to say hello.
I've heard this life is overrated, but I hope that it gets better as we go."

Okay, 3 Doors Down is always solid gold, but "Here Without You" is unarguably one of their best songs. Sweet, simple, sad = perfect. If I had time, I’d put down the lyrics for "Landing in London", "When I'm Gone", "Let Me Go" and "Kryptonite" too.

6. "Take me to your heart, feel me in your bones;
Just one more night and I'm coming off this long and winding road."

The Limp Bizkit medley of "Home Sweet Home/Bittersweet Symphony" is one of the most relaxing songs I can think of, mainly because I doubt Fred Durst's voice has ever sounded more mellow or hypnotic. And boy, can I relate when he sings "My heart's like an open book for the whole world to read; sometimes it's nothing that keeps me together at the seams."

7. "I feel just like I'm sinking, and I claw for solid ground;
Pulled down by the undertow: never thought I could feel so low."

Sarah McLachlan's "Full of Grace" has the inexplicable ability to reduce me to tears when I'm in my PMS-induced emo stage. But, to be fair, that's when I listen to all her songs: "Angel", "Adia", "Fear", "Building a Mystery" and "Silence" have been time-of-the-month favourites since I hit puberty. No, I don't know why; but I will admit that's when I also listen to Tori Amos, Fiona Apple and Jewel.

8. "Baby I've been here before; I've seen this room and I've walked this floor -
I used to live alone before I knew ya.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march -
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."

It may seem blasphemous to most, but I prefer Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" to Leonard Cohen's. I don't know whether that's because Buckley's voice sounds more tortured or because the video I saw was picturised on the season 1 finale of The O.C. (yes, yes, I'm a hopeless child), but either way - the words to this song never fail to send a shiver down my spine.

Lord, there are so many more that should be on this list. Alanis Morisette's "Forgive Me, Love" and "Ironic", Tori Amos's "Love Song" and "Winter", everything by Metallica, Aerosmith, Matchbox 20, Creed, Sade, Guns N' Roses, newer stuff like "Hey There, Delilah" by the Plain White T's and older stuff like "Unforgettable" by Dean Martin….way, way too many. I'd have to devote an entire blog to that!

What are your favourites?

Work In Progress

A long time ago, when we were still in college, D.S. and I had been spending a lazy afternoon at the CCI poolside restaurant when we decided to put together a book. A most useful book, we agreed delightedly, pooling our vast knowledge of our male friends and our limited (but still horrific) dating experience. A book that would teach women to identify the different types of men (cue the light shining from Heaven; the beatific, self-righteous expressions on our faces; the calls for our canonization…). Imagine the good we could do, educating the poor unfortunate women of the world on the various categories of dickheads out there!

Unfortunately, we never really got past scribbling a few titles and pages in the art book that used to be my ever-present companion back then. I must've chucked it somewhere in the series of moves that occurred thereafter, but I think I might be able to recall a few of the jewels we penned:

1. The Arrogant Bastard
This type of male is surprisingly common (one would expect the advent of the Empowered Woman would have squashed them into extinction, but no such luck). Good for a laugh, or the satisfaction of deflating his outsize ego, but no good for anything long-term. Unless, of course, you want to end the relationship by knocking him down with your car (I can swear this has almost never happened).

2. The Sneaky Bastard
From the same family tree as #1. However, while it's possible to ignore #1 with a roll of the eyes or dismissive snort, #2 has practically made a career out of telling women what they want to hear, and, most importantly, not getting caught. He will wine, dine, lie and cheat all with the same effortless panache (and boyish grin) that got you to fall for him in the first place. Good if you follow the "What I don't know can't hurt me" school of thought (also known as the Ostrich "bury your head in the sand" policy), but honestly, we'd hate to see you give Sneaky Bastard the satisfaction of falling for his honey-coated words. Especially when he's going to recycle the same crap with 10 other women (at least he's doing his part for the environment). This sub-species is also known as the "Will-say-anything-to-get-into-a-girl's-pants" man.

3. The Idiot
This type of male emulates #2 and thinks he's smart. Unfortunately, he misses the mark by a couple of miles. He'll try to pull the same sort of scams as the Sneaky Bastard, but screw up by trying it on two sisters. Or worse, two best friends. Honestly, don't men know that women talk? All women? About everything? Boy, if we can meet a woman for the first time in the ladies' room of a club, ask for a tampon and then go on to discuss cramps, blood flow and clotting, what makes you think we're not going to talk to our best friends about the shady moves you're trying to pull?? Idiot.

4. The Bore
Not a bad soul, this kind of boy, but is incapable of inducing anything but giganctic yawns. We don't like to pander to stereotypes, but he will most probably be a rich boy who likes talking about how fast his Ferrari goes and how much money he made on some random trade. Yes, yes, the sound of vrrooom and cha-ching may be an aphrodisiac for some women, but we prefer to think that good conversation doesn't need to include mentions of his stock portfolio or constant name-dropping of which CEO he jet-skis with on weekends.
On the other hand, give us a good old-fashioned nerd any day. They're fascinating, the little geeks, and the way their words just stumble over one another in a rushed garble? Adorable.

5. The Hunter
A slicker, more badass version of #1 and #2 and has the ability to be oh-so-appealing. He will tell a woman what she wants to hear and actually mean it (for the moment) and give her what she wants : the flattery, the meaningful looks, the witty conversation, the comfort, the spark. At least, until he gets what he wants. Then it's hasta la vista, baby. He got bored once the chase ended. Sadly, this type of man is rampant across the globe, luring in unsuspecting women. The only way to protect yourself is if you're just in it for the chase too (not something we'd recommend. We have souls; that's what differentiates us from the sex-crazed animals otherwise known as men).

6. The Best Friend
He knows your moodswings, has seen you without make-up, has coaxed you out of post-break-up trauma and he puts up with your insanity with a smile on his face. He'd be perfect boyfriend material, if you could just get past the ick-factor when it comes to kissing him. Do that, and you're golden.

7. The Good Guy
A dying breed, being hunted to extinction by marriage-minded madames who snap up the darlings in the embryonic stage. Or, they're being corrupted through the all-pervasive evil of the Arrogant Bastards, Sneaky Bastards, Idiots and Hunters. If you manage to find one, treat him well - he may just be the last of his kind.

8. The Perfect Man
Exists in theory; let us know if any of you actually stumble across this specimen. We suspect he might be a myth, or a rumour put out by the men of the world to keep us women interested: you know the whole saying about kissing a lot of frogs before you find your prince? The promise of a perfect man (who may or may not exist) ensures that a LOT of frogs get kissed….

I can't remember the rest, but I think D.S. and I might be meeting up in B'bay next week (and possibly staying at the CCI). No doubt we'll be able to pool together a few more years of (bad) experiences and come up with more chapters for the book.

My "Get-Up-And-Go"....

....got up and went. For a hike. Over the edge of a cliff.

Meaning, "writer's block".

Plus, I'm up to my eyeballs in proposals (of the banking variety) and it's not rare for me to wake up from a less-than-sound sleep spouting off names and account numbers of overdue customers and classified loans.

God, even my nightmares are boring. No wonder I have nothing to write about.

Baby Steps

So, we still have a long way to go. And there's bound to be a lot of crap that's going to be heaped on the Delhi High Court by various moral police/religious leaders/major hypocrites. If my pessimism radar is right, there'll be a lot of gay bashings, probably even murders, masquerading as "protests" and "preservers of the Indian way". God knows in the past there have been enough horrific incidents like this.

But still, I can't help feeling proud that the Delhi High Court has legalized consensual gay sex. It's a minuscule step coming after decades of hypocrisy, conformity, ignorance and misrepresentation of homosexuality. I, for one, have never understood why people made such a hullabaloo about bedroom matters anyway...it gives me the heebie-jeebies thinking that the Government has a say in the manner that citizens conduct their sex lives.

Yeah, it's a tiny step. But it's there nonetheless.

Although I have to say, I'm a little disappointed that B'bay hasn't come out of the closet yet. At least legally.